내가 만든 수익인데도… 왜 이렇게 불편할까요? 🤯

Good progress! You're measuring wins not by your PnL, but by whether you followed the rules. You can mortgage your house and bet it all on 13 in a roulette table. That's a bad idea whether you win or not. You moved your stops away from your predefined plan and made money. Is that a bad thing? You put your chips on 13 and won. So, yah, yay money, but that's not in your control. You broke your rules and since that's your only metric you can control, you performed poorly. You're maturing as a trader and recognizing that.

I do powerlifting. Generally people do best with 3-6 week waves up to a peak, and each person is different. Like, if you have a bunch of people do an amrap at the end of their workouts, you can track how long before their strength peaks, stalls, and drops. So if Bob has an e1rm on bench of 140kg on week 1, 145kg on week 2, 150kg on week 3, 150kg again on week 4, and then drops to 138kg on week 5, then we know that he improves up to week 3 or 4, and from that point on, his body can't clear the accumulated fatigue. We would design a 3 or 4 week program for him before a deload. Maybe another guy doesn't drop until week 7 with the same program and intensities, so he could do a 6 week wave and a 3 week wave would be a waste.

For you, you learned that you can trade well for 3 days straight before mental fatigue hits. On day 4, you were too tired to control yourself. So, new rule. No trading on Wednesdays. Find a way to lock yourself out of the platforms. Monday and Tuesday you trade well, then rest up that emotional battery, then Thursday and Friday you trade well again.

Self sabotage doesn’t get enough discussion around it, and I’ve never known a profitable trader who hasn’t had the same sabotaging thoughts.

The fact that you’re self aware and willing to talk about something as taboo as “I broke my rules and made money but it doesn’t feel right” is a good sign that you’re meaningfully making more progress than most ever get to.

you’re approaching, or even at the beginning stages the hardest phase of trading: ignoring rulebreaking impulses for multiple days/weeks/months in a row.

your ego is going to keep trying to fight back for control. It knows it can’t control the winning days and that makes it feel uncomfortable, so it wants to control what it can, making you lose and confirm any self sabotaging beliefs.
It’s critical that you acknowledge it, but you don’t have to listen to it. Even now you realize that it’s trying to convince you that breaking rules = high p/l day, but you don’t have to listen to that.

Set new goalposts for “days or trades i followed my rules in a row” and put it somewhere you can see it visually before each market session. Start measuring every week by that instead of p/l. You’ll probably notice that losing days won’t bother you as much when they’re strictly measure by execution. See if you can beat 5 days in a row, and measure your progress month to month for mistakes made or avoided with the goal being less or equal mistakes each month.

Self sabotaging thoughts will always be there, and there will always be mistakes made that you can’t control, but you need to make sure that those mistakes aren’t intentional. You will have times where you have slippage, order errors, execution errors, system issues, take the wrong direction or enter the wrong quantity by accident. Those are fine, they’re unavoidable. What isn’t fine is intentionally changing size, or moving your stops or chasing a missed entry or purposefully breaking any of your predetermined rules.

You're not making "good" money

You're making bad money.

You didn't make it in a controlled way.

Gambling applies even if you don't see it.

Your ego wants you to gamble...the moment you don't succeed first failed trade ..your go to is gamble...

It happens to unenlightened traders...aka most people.

It's an impulse you need to address more than ignore it.

Start with forgetting the pnl...focus more on process to recover lost money.

Eg you lose 1R....make a better plan you will make it back in 4 small trades...not 1 big trade...